Thanksgiving Reflections..

I can't believe that Thanksgiving is a week away. This year, we are celebrating with Dave's family in Baltimore. We switch each year so that it is fair to both of our families. I am really looking forward to indulging in some delicious food and amazing conversation with the family this year. Dave's family is absolutely amazing. Since the begininnig, they have always treated me as if I were there own. They take care of me, love me, and spoil me. They make me feel as loved as my parents have always made me feel .Most importantly, they want what's best for David and I and our family. Friday morning, we leave to head home to NJ to drop off the little guy with my parents. Dave and I will then hop the train into NYC for a much needed weekend to our selves in the Big Apple. I can not even begin to tell you how excited I am to spend the entire weekend in the City and how grateful I am of my parents who booked our trip for our Hanukkah/Christmas present. If you don't already know, my parents are the most loving and giving people in the world. This Thanksgiving, I am thankful for parents amongst many other wonderful friends and family in my life.

As many of you may or may not know, my grandmother hasn't been doing well for some time now. Approximately 2 years ago, she had a terrible accident and fell while making her bed one morning. Thank goodness, my father checks on her daily and happened to stop over later that afternoon. He found her lying on her floor completely out of it. Long story short, she broke her hip and has been going down hill since. She is 94. She is the strongest and most independent person I have ever known. She hates being taken care of by others. It has killed her pride. For as long as I have been around (almost 32 years) she has always been on her own. She still lives alone in the house that my father grew up. Up until she had her accident, she did everything, and I mean everything on her own. She is now completely dependent on everyone to do everything for her and it breaks my heart. I can't imagine life without her yet I have been trying to prepare myself for what may come...sooner than I had ever hoped it would. Part of me wants her to keep fighting, to not give up but I know that probably will not happen. The other half of me no longer wants her to suffer, to be miserable and unfortunately, that is what she is. So, my question to myself is how can I prepare myself to let her go. To go to a place where she can be comfortable again. A place where she no longer has to depend on others helping her to get out of bed, to make her meals, to take her to the bathroom. This is truly the hardest thing that I have had to deal with and it is sucking the life out of me. The only time my grandmother is remotely happy is when she gets to see Alex. He brings life to her. He makes her smile...something that she rarely does nowadays. I am just so thankful that Alex has gotten to spend as much time with his GiGi as he has and he will continue to make his visits with her for as long as we have her with us. I love you Grandmom and will always hold you dear to my heart. This Thanksgiving and always, I am thankful for being blessed with having you in my life for this long.